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01/29/2007: "Valentine's Day gift part 2."

Song of the Day: Gaelle - Give It Back

As a single woman, I can't believe I'm discussing Valentine's Day two entries in a row, but I couldn't pass up the chance to rip apart this piece of drivel. It's an entry from an "Expert Blog" on Yahoo! about "The Art of Intimacy" and it is written by a doctor. Read it and then observe my comments:



Seriously, are there women out there who are nodding their heads throughout that whole article? Am I that far outside the mainstream that I'm the only woman who isn't swooning at the idea of a coupon for a back rub? (And really, why does there need to be a coupon involved?) I realize I'm already the odd one out for thinking that flowers are a stupid gift ("Hey, here's a gift to show how much I care, and they're GOING TO DIE!!! IN A FEW DAYS!!!"), but surely I can't be the only one seeing the irony here: "A little effort and a personal touch goes a long way," the author says, as she provides a list for men to pick from that makes ridiculous generalizations about all women.

Enough of that V-Day crap -- except to note that anyone who uses phrases like "my special love" to refer to his or her significant other needs to be drawn and quartered. And then tarred and feathered. And then broken on the wheel.

Replies: 9 Comments

As your go-to torture expert, I recommend this order: tarring and feathering, breaking on the wheel, THEN drawing and quartering... it would be such a hassle to mess with all the little pieces otherwise. :D

j!!, Monday, January 29th

Comedian Demetri Martin views giving flowers as more of a threat. "Here - now watch these die. You'd better put your feet in water, because you're next."

jeff, Monday, January 29th

I would never buy you things that die for valentine's day (funny how it's initials are VD), I would buy you things that KILL!

Babs, Tuesday, January 30th

Don't forget that cooking classes will ONLY BE TAKEN ONE OF TWO WAYS! That sort of gift could never be construed as "OMG I love to cook and getting professional lessons is something I'm really interested in thanks honey here's a sexual favor as a thank you!"

That would never happen.

ITA about the bath. Thanks for LETTING me take a bath! In lavendar oil, the time honored scent of whores! As if *I* am not interested in your ulterior motives on Valentine's Day!

Because women don't want to have sex!

I am incensed.
/novel.

Tara, Tuesday, January 30th

This article was written by the type of woman those of us who can take care of ourselves hates.

Parading flowers around is going to get you labeled as one thing: a bitch who needs to verify to the world in order to prove to herself that her significant other loves her enough to send her things that will die.

If I want to take a bath with no "expectations", I will lock myself in the bathroom and do it alone, without him, and with a glass of wine and/or beer and a good book.

I pity that woman for thinking sex toys are disgusting. She must have a rather boring sex life.

Maybe I want cooking lessons. Maybe the fact that I make him cook every night indicates that I don't know how to do it very well.

And I'm with you! A poem? Handwritten? On tree bark? The boy wouldn't know where to begin with that if they packaged it into a video game and put it in his face. Besides, the only defacing I'm doing of trees is for my sole benefit, and Kallurias!

And trust me, if he takes the time to wrap it, let alone write a litte message on the wrapping paper - you should feel honored and cut that piece out and frame because it is one of the few times you're going to see that much thought from him.

Sorry, I couldn't help but go into rant mode because you are not the odd one out, at least not in my world. You are the sane one. All those woman who believe in that article are going to spend the rest of their getting sorely disappointing Valentine's Days.

Kristy, Tuesday, January 30th

Being a female in a relationship, I loathe Valentine's Day as much as the next person. It's nothing more than a Hallmark holiday and an excuse for more money to be spent.

Where did you find that article? It's ridiculous. Flowers are overrated and cliched; if I want to take a bath, I don't need your permission or coupon to do so; toys and movies can be very fun, thank you very much; and I know plenty of people who would kill for cooking lessons. My favorite comment though was the tree bark, wtf?????
That poor tree.

Know what valentine's day is to me? If I wait for a couple days after, I can get a whole lot of chocolate for not a while lot of money.

jonielyn@hotmail.com">jonielyn, Tuesday, January 30th

Right, so let's talk drivel: This is exactly what's wrong with the internet; Yahoo will think the article is "more popular" because I read it, but really I'm trying to debunk it.

The author is a "Dr. Laura Berman," someone trying to cross therapy, spas, and sex, in all the standard "service media" ways. She runs her own business near where you are, Brooke, and basically, she's a media whore.

Her self-promotion:
Laura Berman, LCSW, Ph.D., is the director of the Berman Center, a specialized health care facility in Chicago that's dedicated to helping women repair their sex lives and find relief from menopausal symptoms. Dr. Berman is also an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and obstetrics/gynecology at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University.

Dr. Berman has been working as a sex educator and therapist for 18 years... [self-promotion removed... and] is also the star of the hit show Sexual Healing, a Showtime original documentary series that closely follows real-life couples through a week in therapy with her at the Berman Center.

About the Berman Center

The Berman Center is a comprehensive menopause management and sexual health clinic, combining the expertise of a premier health-care facility with a beautiful, spa-like environment. It's a place women can go to improve their sex lives, restore their self-image, and enrich their relationships, all in a soothing and confidential setting. The center's multidisciplinary staff provides a full array of services, from couples and individual therapy to medical treatment and hormone replacement, to address the challenges women of all ages face.

[end excerpts]

Gag me with a wrecking ball!

Pootie, Wednesday, January 31st

I love cards, but I'm not that picky about whether I receive one or not. :-)

And, tree bark? Eew.

Shannon, Thursday, February 1st

Okay, so unfortunately I'm a helpless romantic. I love flowers, but not necessarily a huge bouquet of red roses. In fact, if it's not roses, it took more effort on his part to identify a different flower, so bonus points for him! And cooking lessons would be awesome!! God forbid you try a different date night than the typical "dinner and a movie?" And finally, the tree bark poem. What the hell are you supposed to do with the bark when you're done--glue it back on the tree??? Ick!

This woman gives social workers a bad name (LCSW). People in bad relationships need help with communication before romance. Ah well, the article was humorous and at least gave me a chuckle to start out my morning :)

amykkirk@gmail.com">Amy, Thursday, February 1st