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09/15/2005: "Mackin' on the Green Beret's wife"
Song of the Day: Madonna - Don't Tell Me
This memory popped into my head today while I was busy trying to keep my eyes from glazing over during Business Orgs. It falls under the "I've dated my fair share of stupid idiots in my life" category.
For those who don't know me well, here's some background. Two years ago, after two years of being off and on with him, I dumped a mega-asshole. He was eight years older than me, and at the age of 28, he'd never been dumped before. He was such as asshole that when I dumped him, he cried, and it made me feel good.
A few weeks after I dumped him, he IMs me one day and says, "I just got home from *insert random female name here*'s house." This caused me to cackle, since I knew he was really saying, "Hey, be jealous, be upset that you dumped me, 'cause another woman is paying attention to me." So I politely inquire about this woman just to play along. He says he met her at the gym, and they've been hanging out a lot lately, and that no, they're not dating, because she's married. To a Green Beret.
Yes, my brilliant ex decided to put the mack on the wife of a Special Forces officer.
After gleefully informing him that he was going to wake up without his skin someday, he says, "No, no, she's not interested in me like that, her husband has been away for months, and she's just lonely."
She's lonely. So she picks up a guy at the gym. Who she has no interest in sleeping with. Yeah right.
I mean, a look at the principles here: If my (non-existant) husband had to go away for months at a time, I would fully expect all of my close friends, male and female, to keep me company. But a random stranger of the opposite sex?
"If her husband gets upset, I'll just explain myself." That was his defense.
I'm so sure that A) a Green Beret is going to sit there and patiently listen to a strange man he doesn't know explain why he'd been spending so much quality time with his wife, and B) the Green Beret is going to laugh at him as much as I do.
I stopped talking to him not much longer after that, so I never did find out what happened with the situation. As much as it was a relief to no longer have to put up with him, he was a major source of my amusing stories.
Replies: 8 Comments
I just never understood how he picked up anyone with neutrogena tinted moisturizer and a purple car.j!!, Thursday, September 15th
But J!!, it was OKAY for him to throw my purse at me, because I had an ATTITUDE with him. Or something like that.Brooke, Thursday, September 15th
I can't imagine, being that dumb and that much of an ass is a combination that would allow him to not wind up winning a Darwin Award after too long... chances are, the Green Beret flayed him alive and made a coat out of his skin.DPearl, Thursday, September 15th
Since I still live in Columbus, I sometimes wonder if it's your particular ex when I see a purple camero. Then, I wonder, "Well, if it's not her dumbass ex, who would be silly to buy a car that's purple?" THEN, I think, "Well, Columbus has a large gay population..." And that comes to my heightening suspicion that your ex may potentially not be sleeping with a married woman, but have a cover up... that he plays for the other team.Shannon, Sunday, September 18th
"The Green Beret is not going to laugh at that." -DanShannon (and Dan), Sunday, September 18th
Well, Shannon (and Dan), when I said the Green Beret was going to laugh at him, I had some maniac-ish evil laughter that came right before the slaugther in mind. :DBrooke, Monday, September 19th
Hehe. I have this picture of you and Mr. Ex where it looks like he’s wearing makeup and his shirt is opened halfway. I love it, male model terrorists.Lindsay, Tuesday, September 20th
SEND IT TO ME!!!! PLEASE! :Dj!!, Wednesday, September 21st