Home » Archives » February 2005 » Tales of the Ex

[Previous entry: "Internet Etiquette"] [Next entry: "Valentine's Day"]

02/11/2005: "Tales of the Ex"

Since joining Blog Explosion and inviting so many new people to visit my webpage, I've felt compelled to be entertaining, like a good hostess should be. While wondering what I could write about, I realized that I have some outrageous stories about my verbally abusive ex-boyfriend that definitely have the potential to be entertaining.

So I'll start with a story that started with a trip to a Burberry store. I'm a huge Burberry fan. I think it's incredibly classy and I pray to the fashion gods that it's never given the same treatment Louis Vuitton's Murakami bags were given. In my mind, the Murakami pattern has been forever ruined by everyone and her sister having a knockoff bag.

So while my ex and I were in the Burberry store, I was drooling over a purse. It was a fabulous purse. Then again, I think anything in the traditional Burberry plaid is fabulous.

Later that evening, we had dinner reservations. I took a nap beforehand, and my ex woke me up to tell me to get ready to go. All I needed to do was brush my hair, and I'd left the hairbrush I carry in my purse in the bathroom that he had just gone into. I'm definitely not a open-bathroom-doors-when-people-are-in-them sort of girl, so I just sat there waiting for him to come out so I could get my hairbrush.

When he came out of the bathroom, he stopped and stared at me. The following conversation ensued:

Ex: "What are you doing? Why aren't you getting ready? Get ready!"
Me: "I just need to brush my hair, my hairbrush was in the bathroom with you."
Ex: "I told you to get ready! We're going to be late, get ready!"
Me: "I just said that all I need to do is brush my hair."
Ex: "Don't have an attitude with me!"

I'll note at this point that "having an attitude" with the ex meant something like looking at him "wrong," disagreeing with an opinion of his, or otherwise "threatening" his "control" over me.

Me: "I don't have an attitude. Let me get my hairbrush."
Ex: "I WAS GOING TO GET YOU THAT $300 PURSE, BUT FORGET IT NOW! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A BRAT!"

At that point, all I could do was stare at him. I had never asked for the purse. In the entire course of our history, the only thing I ever asked for was a video game for my birthday. But here he was, thinking that he was showing how disappointed he was in me by threatening to take away something he had never given.

I just laughed at how absurd he was. He continued to show his "disappointment" throughout the rest of the evening by glaring, flaring his nostrils, and punching his fists into any wall or table he came across. I suppose he thought it made him look like an intimidating bad-ass, but when I looked at him, all I saw was a three-year-old throwing a temper tantrum.

But honestly, threatening to not buy me a $300 purse that I'd never expected to own? It was like he was my mother telling me I couldn't have candy after dinner. Was I supposed to be ashamed at my "attitude"? Was I supposed to cry, or apologize, or plead with him to please buy it for me? All I could ever figure was that he was trying to show some type of control over me, but unfortunately for him, I never fell for his crap.

If anyone's keeping track, this is the ex who started wearing makeup after I dumped him.